UnrestrictedI closed my eyes and saw what others cannot… Made the unheard ring in my ears… and touch the brisk waft of the wind. Yes, it is I who crossed the boundaries of the unknown, and ended up losing what once was mine…
The beam across my face, as I remembered from a not so distant time was just a mere shadow covering the past. It sure took time to shine upon this unlikely poignant countenance, but, I know now…it is really meant to be.
-from the last of the great heartache that twitched.
Station statementsStation statements
Tiring from the constant glare, Daniel must focus his failing eyes just to see a good look at his surroundings. A cautious act that he’s been carefully undertaking daily, not taking any chances anymore.
8th station
People are on the rush. It’s already 8:50am on his watch, and just knowing that makes him do what he does best, running. Going up and under the stairs, heads to the comfort room, comb his slight untidy hair, exits and finally goes down that same old slippery stairs (with rusting handrails). He doesn’t want to be late, for he’s been at it since the other day. Different faces welcome him as he descends the set of steps, there is but two people he spotted that he just couldn’t ignore. She, wearing her familiar jacket, holding on to His arms, ascending the same flight of stairs… yes, it’s “Them”.
He’s still 6 steps away above the ground and they’re approaching fast. Daniel quickly gets behind a woman dressed in a blue office uniform and walk calmly while looking away. Finally, they passed him. Daniel didn’t bother to look behind him and continued to walk towards a market filled with random things being sold. “Thank goodness”, he whispered.
On a cold rainy day, month of March.
//
2nd station
Everybody knows just how terrible it is to ride a train on a Monday morning. But that particular day when Daniel rode it, isn’t a scene from a typical Monday morning, the third one of March 2012.
Daniel stood behind the yellow tiled lane, looking at his classy black watch. “Am I too early?” he muttered. The ground started to shake, “At last the train is here…”. A surprisingly few people were on board, and even fewer outside waiting with Daniel. He happily entered as the door opened wide. There are no vacant seats anymore but the area is still very spacious. Daniel positioned near the door and grabbed the safety handrail just above his head. The train suddenly started to move, and one passenger who’s not holding on the rails nearly got thrown off to the side… and as the man stumbled to his feet, Daniel saw someone behind that person, standing, looking outside beside the glass window pane.
“Oh my God… It is her…” Daniel said.
He quickly turned the other way, but couldn’t stand to stay that way, so again, he turned the other way facing her, hiding behind that same passenger who stumbled earlier. Daniel stared at her, looking so carefully with every detail. He just wants to look at her until he gets off the train. “Something is different” he thought. He recalled all of his memories with her, and noticed one thing, her height. She became two centimeters shorter, which is impossible. Daniel surveyed her stance, but she seems to be standing straight. He started to doubt his eyes so he reached for his left pocket, grabbed his black handkerchief and rubbed his eyes with the cloth.
“Damn these eyes” he said.
Daniel isn’t very sure now, even though the face is very identical and all the facial features are almost as exactly the same, he can only see half of it. He then decides to look closer, moving anxiously, little by little to the front with a curious face. The train began to slow down, the next station is up. It stopped, and Daniel managed to get near her, so near that he’s almost beside her. She then turns her head for the first time, looked at Daniel’s face for a second then got off the train. Daniel just stood there and watched her walk away, the incoming passengers began to block his vision of the woman.
The door closed.
Daniel had his sigh of relief, “It wasn’t her after all”.
He then thought about the fact that he gathered up his guts just to get near the woman and how would he react if it was really her. But if it was really her, she wouldn’t get off that station, because it is the one next to it, the same with his’, he thought.
Again, the door opens, and he continued to walk towards the market filled with random things being sold.
Looking behind, he nodded and said, “I think I miss her…”.
On a not so ordinary day, month of March.
TitleBeautiful in my eyes
:D 
:D
(Source: tinydolls, via runawaybarbie-deactivated201203)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Five Years, One JournalFive Years, One Journal. 2/23/12
Dear Diary,
02-23-07
5:27 pm
The sun is about to set, orange colored rays peek into the opaque glass windows…
Daniel: Sige na nga aaminin ko na.. ^_^
02-24-07
2:52pm
She also confessed, I found myself smiling and giggling for the whole day.
02-26-07
6:43 am
We talked, confirmed each other, and the whole day seems to drift into a stream of a never ending happiness…
The following days became a foundation of dreams, very beautiful dreams indeed.
Restlessly excited for each and every time we talk. Giggling surreptitiously.
06-01-07
I gave her the 11th rose, symbolizing my heart, and with it, is a promise of an everlasting love.
06-20-07
11:46 am
I always stare at her then giggle.
07-23-07
01:15 pm
Buying candies never get this better.
08-12-07
3:16 pm
Drawing a picture of us… and missing her a lot.
09-23-07
11:27 am
I accidentally destroyed the wall beside the stairs while talking to the phone with her because of my excitedness, sobrang kilig kasi :]
11-20-07
12:48 pm
On the phone, and on the other line… is her.
The following days became blissfully as if pillars standing above the very foundations we built in the middle of a familiar paradise.
12-14-07
Year end break, Last day together… I’m missing her already… :(
01-07-08
Together again :)
02-23-08
07:46 am
She told me the other day that she’ll be absent today, but she came :). One year have passed… I’m very happy…. ^_^
03-20-08
The last day of classes came, It really is a very lonely moment for the both of us…
Take care… I love you…
05-17-08
It’s my birthday, I have dreamt of holding her hands ^_^
06-01-08
12:00 am
I called her and sang a Happy Birthday song for her…
I texted her the whole day, saying “I love you”, “I love you”, “I love you”, and “I love you” :)
06-09-08
First day of classes. We ate lunch together, bought candies together, and stared at each other… what a lovely day… :)
Problems came, trials have tested us, but we stumble into our hearts, saying “I love you”
July 17, 2008, her mother called my low battery cellphone while I’m waiting for a jeepney under the overpass. She actually said about me taking care of her daughter.
08-23-08
It’s raining… I miss her… I called her and decided to go inside the cabinet where the noise of the rain hitting the roof won’t be heard. And HA! I broke the door of the cabinet. we laughed until the rain settled :)
09-23-08
I love you, I love you, I love you Ü
—-
The rest are happy moments that are not stated, along with those trials we met until the day she gave me up.
From there, I knew I just couldn’t stop chasing after her… not until the second of January two thousand and twelve.
“I have made the biggest mistake in my whole life, which is the reason she left me.”
“Ayaw ko sumuko, kasi mahal kita… pero I realized that letting you go is the best thing I can do to show that I really love you.
Everything I wanted is your happiness.”
“I’m proud kasi I stayed inlove with you through all these years. :’)”
The only person who gave me so much love and understanding… so much joy when I’m with her… so much tears when I thought that she’ll go away from me…
My first love…
… And the last one…
~Daniel Salido, letting go.
Forward RewindI dreamt of her, and her embrace that won’t let me go. I remembered the very feeling of the time we had our first hug. I felt her pain as that hug goes… she doesn’t want us to part… never does she want us to come to an end. It’s the feeling of love which flows that particular time.
Her smile captured me at the end.
Repressed memory, reanimated.
November 20, 2007.
It’s one of those dreams I don’t want to wake up to.
Medic!My daily dose of insomnia from those series of overnights made me bent an uncanny habit of not dozing off despite sleepiness which led me into an untimely demise; my three week old cough that never ceases to disappoint me and my failing eyes that is steadily getting blurry and blurry. A heavy consequence for someone who reads notes and sings them after. None of it would ever happen if it wasn’t for my poor attempts of overexerting myself to things a normal person wouldn’t do. Multitasking it is. Yes, I thought about making myself busier, tired after a day’s work so that I wouldn’t have the time to think about my many misfortunes in life.
I feel very tired these days, so I conclude that it finally came to effect. I became accident prone these past few weeks, and it’s worsening. Maybe aliens with abduct me next time! Or maybe illegal aliens will… what?! I’m just saying… anyway, I have to restore myself again, this time it’s gonna be better.
SilentryWe haven’t met yet, I’m still wondering of what certain things I should say or do when that time comes. But it’s really not because of that; time just forbids me unto getting an arranged meeting with them. I have much more things to do, not as important but just as time consuming. I made myself busy, as busy as a bee… though I don’t have a Queen to serve; I still have my friends to look out to.
A friend asked me if I were okay, I said “no, I’m not… but I’m fine, I don’t feel happy nor sad”. Most people I know doesn’t have any idea of what’s going on with me, only people who truly understands me sees that flickering flame, in the verge of death.
I kept my self busy, ignoring being so worn out. Came home hungry, weak, and sad.
We had a chat the other night, she asked if I regretted something in the past… I told her yes, but never answered what in particular. I couldn’t bare say the things I want to forget. I haven’t forgiven myself yet, not now… all I want now is her happiness, though it won’t be coming from me.
I started to wander here and there, doesn’t care where my feet will take me. As I rode the bus to home, I saw this part of a movie.
“Have you regretted something big in the past?”
“No, if I did, I wouldn’t have changed for the better.”
I sat silent till the movie ends.
Chapter 33 January fifth two-thousand and twelve,
I, again, have been woken up by the noisy chattering of our loud-mouth neighbours. But at least, not as early as the other day which totally made my morning really stressful. I took my phone beside my fluffy pillow and read all eight messages, none of it was hers. I then checked my messages on a social networking site with hesitance, not wanting to read any news about them. My lady friend, a best friend who recently got to L.A. took the liberty to answer my message last night, saying that she’ll be moving to another house without an internet connection, with only her blackberry phone to get in touch with us. It bores me a little when I’m not talking to a person whom I like to have a chat to, but not with my mom, well… sometimes.
A typical day indeed… for a lonely man like me. I thought about the many missed calls from you-know-who, calls that I didn’t mind to answer for the last two days. But I too, also want a good closure between us just like what I prayed for, last worship service. I decided to text her, sending the message with only “call me” written on it. She immediately answered but she asked me if she can just call me after her working hours. I agreed, but not replying to her text message. My phone rang minutes after; it was her… maybe she got intrigued by my text message that only contains seven characters on it, including the space.
I wanted to tell her my last regrets, my guilt, and my love. I already refrained from chasing her. I gave up, surrender and admit defeat.
Dawn came fast like Schumacher going for the win. I waited and waited for her call. I’m ready, I have everything I must say in my mind… but instead, I received a text message saying if I could just call her. Well, It’s fine with me though… we then had an hour worth of chatting, I asked her if we could meet each other, with her new partner of course… I’m gonna give her the best gift, freedom right from my mouth, closure from a nearly 3 year instability. She agreed.
I realized many things… maybe we’re really not meant for each other. We were so young that time, both not matured… we had arguments and all… but at the end of the day, all we have is each other. I love her so much that’s why I’m setting her free, my first love. Made my crying for almost three years. Though it came to an end, all the good memories will never fade. She taught me many things, it made me stronger… it made me the person I am now. I hope that she’ll always be happy. Goodbye…
—
Dear Mr. Heart,
I still remember that day
It was February 23rd, 2007. 5:27 pm
She led me into confessing
We couldn’t do anything but to spit it all out
But it went well
Congratulations! You’ve found a partner
I can hear you pounding every time we’re with her
I know you’re shy
We both know how it feels like…
I’m so happy :]
—
Hey Mr. Heart,
We had a fight earlier
I know I was wrong
I have to make it right again
—
Hey Mr. Heart,
She doesn’t want us anymore
I’ve hurt her so much…
Are you okay?
You’re bleeding… :[
—
Hey Mr. Heart…
It’s been 33 months…
I know you’re tired…
You can rest any minute now…
But why do you still speak of her name…
Every day, I tend your never healing wounds…
We both suffered until this very moment.
You know, I discovered something…
She already has someone…
—
Hey Mr. Heart,
You’re pounding hard again…
Please be calm…
I think we’ve done a good job surviving
We must live…
We must let go…
I know you love her so much
But I think it’s time…
… to move on..
Let’s say our last goodbye Mr. Heart…
…yes, our last goodbye, to our first love…
~Daniel Salido, crying.
